I'm beginning to fear that opponents of Prop 8 -- that is, supporters of same-sex marriage -- are in the process of seizing defeat from the jaws of victory. There have been confusing ads, in which the opposition to Prop 8, an initiative to ban same-sex marriage, appears to be defending Prop 8. And there has been the failure to have the many religious leaders who support same-sex marriage -- and are marrying couples -- define such marriages as not only consistent with faith, but also essential to a full relationship with God. Yes, many gay people love God  too and want to participate with the person they love in the sacred rite of marriage. Voters, particularly religious voters, ought to hear that perspective.

Instead, the No on 8 campaign appears to be taking a secular approach, trying to explain -- in confusing fashion -- that same-sex marriage has nothing to do with religion. That's not a plausible argument. Yes, there are millions of marriages that are purely secular, but it's impossible to separate marriage from religion. And now, the netroots and other liberal opponents of No on 8, working outside the campaign, are digging ther hole deeper by attacking the Church of Latter-Day Saints and its members -- the Mormons -- for supporting Prop 8. This piece from the Huffington Post is typical of this genre. So is this letter to the Mormon Church, part of a campaign by the progressive Courage Campaign.

Earth to the Left:  stop it before you hurt the same-sex marriage cause. Yes, Mormons are providing much of the money and a huge amount of the on-the-ground volunteer work for Prop 8. But attacking people for acting on their faith is never a good idea, and it's a doubly dumb in a campaign about marriage. And another memo to same-sex marriage supporters: comparing opposition to same-sex marriage to historic opposition to interracial marriage sounds to many people of faith as though you're calling their religion racist. Choose another argument.

The point of campaigns is to convince. And the people you're trying to convince -- undecided voters -- tend to be folks who have respect for religion and for gay couples. A campaign for same-sex marriage must never speak ill of religion, but instead argue for the rights of gay couples to be part of religious tradition. 

Here's another thng for supporters of same-sex marriage to remember: winning this campagin narrowly, with a strategy that leaves lots of hard feelings on the other side, won't be much of a victory. California is a small -- but very important -- piece of a much bigger campaign. A narrow victory won't end the fight in California. Those who oppose same-sex marriage will merely try again, at the ballot and in the courts. And same-sex marriage in California is not the same as true marriage equality. For that, federal legislation barring recognition of same-sex unions must be repealed. That's the real finish line, and same-sex marriage supporters need to keep their eyes on that prize. To get there, more and more people must be convinced that same-sex marriage is right, and fits with American and religious traditions. That's a very winnable argument -- it has the advantage of being true -- but it will require talking to people of faith with great respect. Right now, the No on 8 effort is useful as an example of how not to advocate for same-sex marriage.