The Dangers Of Teaching Same Sex Marriage To Young Children

Supporters of Prop 8, an initiative to ban same-sex marriage, claim that if gay couples continue to be permitted to marry in California, schools will have to teach same-sex marriage to young children. Educators and legal experts say that’s nonsense, and there is no such curricular requirement.

           The controversy begs a practical question:: What would it be like to try to teach same-sex marriage to kindergarteners? I can only imagine how one might do that.

The scene, a kindergarten classroom, morning

             Teacher: This is Mr. Mathews. He’ll be leading today’s lesson on gay marriage.

            Little girl #1: J is my favorite letter!

            Mr. Mathews: I believe your teacher meant gay, not J.

            Little girl #1: What does that word "gay" mean?

            Mr. Mathews: Well, it can mean happy…

            Little boy #1: I’m very happy. So I’m very gay!

            Mr. Mathews: Well, sure, you’re gay in that way. But the word means more than one thing.

            Little boy #2: Mr. Mathews (raises hand)?

Mr. Mathews: Yes.

Little boy #2: I have to go potty.

            Little girl #2: I have to go potty, too

            Teacher: Well, one at a time. Here’s a note for you. (Boy exits). Now, where we?

            Mr. Mathews: The meaning of gay. In this case, we’re talking about gay marriage. And gay is a word for boys who like boys. Or girls who like girls.

            Little girl #3: I like girls.

            Little boy #3: I like boys better. Boys are better than girls.

            Little girl #3: No, they’re not.

            Little boy #3: Girls are yucky.

            Little girl #3: Girls smell better. Boys smell bad.

            Mr. Mathews: Hold on there. How people smell is not really the point. I don’t mean “like’ in the sense of friends.

Little boy #1: I like being gay. It’s much better than being sad.

Mr. Mathews: Hmmm. I mean “like” in the way women and men sometimes like each other. They are attracted to each other. I mean “like” in the sense that your mommy likes your daddy.         

Little boy #4: My mommy doesn’t like my daddy. She says he drinks too much and should help more around the house.

Mr. Mathews: I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things will get better for your mommy and daddy.

Little boy #4: I hope so too. I’d like them to be more gay.

Mr. Mathews. Happier, sure. We’d all like to be happy. And that gets me to my point. There are some boys, some men really, who are happy living with men, and they’d be really happy if they could marry the other man they live with.

Little girl #4: My mommy says if you think you’ll be happy just by marrying a man, you’ll be sorely disappointed. She says marriage is a trap for women.

Mr. Mathews: Really, she says that?

Little girl #4: Ever since daddy left.

Mr. Mathews: Well, it’s true that marriage doesn’t mean you’ll be happy.

Little boy #1: So how can there be gay marriage?

Mr. Mathews: Well, I didn’t mean happy marriages. I meant gay marriage, in a marriage between two women or between two men.

Little boy #5: Well, why do they want to marry then if they’ll be unhappy? I don’t understand what marriage has to do with being gay.

Mr. Mathews: Traditionally, it hasn’t had anything to do with being gay. If you were gay, in the sense that you were a man and preferred to live with another man, you couldn’t marry the person you really loved. It was against the law.

Little boy #4: My mom says throwing gum on the sidewalk is against the law. But I do it sometimes.

Mr. Mathews; You should obey the law. But in this case, in California, the law changed, and now a man can marry another man, or a woman can marry another woman.

Little boy: #4: And they do this so they can be gay?

Mr. Mathews. Not exactly. They want to do this because they love each other and because they are gay. But it’s not clear if they’ll be allowed to do that. Because there is this thing called Prop 8.

Little boy #5: Prop 8? Why didn’t you say that? We’ve all seen that on TV.

Whole class; TV! Teacher, can we watch TV?

Teacher: Later.

Little girl: #1: But those people talking about Prop 8 on TV aren’t happy at all. They’re very angry. There’s that one lawyer man who says that kids will have to be taught about gay marriage in schools.

Mr. Mathews: That’s why I’m here.

Little girl #1: But gay marriage is not for kids. Plus, I don’t understand anything you’re saying. Gay marriage is confusing.

Mr. Mathews; I’m learning that.

Little girl #1: I think gay marriage is just something that old people get very angry about on TV.

Little boy #1: Let’s talk about something else.

Little girl #3: Like sex. They always have that on TV.

Teacher: Now, boys and girls, settle down.

            Little boy #2 (returning from the bathroom): Now that I went potty, I feel much more gay.